By Sharni Goldstone
I had learnt what the right types and amounts of food were that my body needed to be able to perform optimally, and most importantly, I had found what worked best for my body and my needs. Being active and playing sports has been one of my favourite pastimes for a long as I can remember. I’ve always taken pride in being somewhat fit, but I’ve never felt like I looked how I should compared to my friends, team mates and my competition. I’ve always felt like my short, broad build would never compete with their slim, tall, and athletic bodies. I had often defeated myself mentally before even taking to the field.
To add to this battle was my struggle with food, and anyone who knows me knows that I love a good feed, but how much? What kind? How often? If I have a salad, can I have a bucket of hot chips too? Because the healthiness of one will cancel out the badness of the other, right? And how come my friends can eat their weight in chocolate and still fit a size 8? This mental war was a daily occurrence that drove me insane, to the point where one day I decided to do something about it.
I began researching diets and meal plans, and how to ‘slim down and tone up’ to get that no fat, really lean figure that I’d been idolising for so long. This research led me to a low carb, high protein diet. I’d seen plans like it before, with people achieving amazing results and the ‘body of their dreams’, so I gave it a go and sure enough, the weight fell off. But I became a nutcase over it. I was constantly hungry and I could only have certain foods, so I didn’t go out and enjoy lunch with my friends. If I over indulged or ate something that I ‘wasn’t supposed to eat’, I felt so bad about it that I would eat my feelings away. So it’s safe to say that all the weight that I’d lost was quickly put back on again.
After feeling like a complete failure, I decided to try another approach. If I couldn’t eat my way to skinny, then I would exercise myself there. I began boot-camp style training 5 days a week, sometimes twice a day if I was feeling particularly keen. Every morning I would wake up at 4:30am to work my butt off before the sun was up. Again, I saw results. Clothes were fitting better, I was even getting the odd compliment here and there, but when I looked in the mirror I still didn’t like what I saw. Those shoulders just weren’t going anywhere, the number on the scales wasn’t low enough, and why are my legs still huge?!
Then began the no carb, high protein diet, boot-camp in the morning, uni during the day, and touch footy at night regime. I figured if I had lost weight doing each one separately, then if I do them together I’ll definitely be able to get that slim body that I desperately wanted. Sure enough, my clothes began to fit better, and more people were noticing, but I still wasn’t happy. I was constantly hungry, tired, and moody. My stomach wasn’t flat enough, those thighs were still there, and the number on the scales wasn’t going anywhere. I just couldn’t crack it; what was I doing wrong? I thought if I ate clean and exercised lots, I’d have that amazing slim build. Where were my lean legs and tight bum? Why was this not working?
So that was it, I was done. Maybe I’m not supposed to be skinny? Maybe I’ve been cursed with this solid body and genetically gifted friends. I began eating whatever I wanted, playing touch here and there, and trying to love the body I was stuck with. This didn’t happen. I was the heaviest I had ever been, playing touch was harder than ever, and I hated going shopping for clothes because I knew I wouldn’t fit into the size I wanted. It wasn’t until I was selected in to a state cup touch team that I knew I had to do something about my body, and quickly.
I had seen friends posts of Facebook here and there about doing Crossfit, and had definitely noticed the changes in their bodies and their fitness, so I thought, why not? I’ve got nothing else to lose. I rocked up, did the intro, completed my first week of training, and was sore as all hell. But I stuck to it because I knew I needed to give this a decent go before I bailed out. Within a couple of weeks of training at the box it became quite apparent that I was strong. The weights on the bar kept piling on while weight on my body was falling off, and the positive comments were rolling in thick and fast.
I soon began to realise that those shoulders and arms that could never fit in to that size 10 jacket were incredibly strong. My thick thighs that I hated so much were able to lift heavy weights. Maybe the build of my body isn’t as bad as I thought?
I then began to think to myself, “How do I get better? How do I get stronger?” So I approached my coaches, who told me that I needed to eat well to achieve better results – not only to lift heavy, but to drop the fat too.
“Please don’t tell me I have to give up bread and potato” I thought to myself when they first told me this. But to my surprise, their answer was quite the opposite. To lift heavy and lose the fat, I needed carbs, and a lot of them. I needed protein and I also needed fats (yay!), but all in the right proportions.
A couple of conversations later and I was eating more food everyday than what I ever had before, while still losing body fat. I had learnt what the right types and amounts of food were that my body needed to be able to perform optimally, and most importantly, I had found what worked best for my body and my needs.
Now when I look in the mirror, I stare in appreciation at the legs that help me sprint around a touch field and the arms that help me carry the groceries up the stairs. I no longer care for the number on the scale. I’m not the lightest I’ve ever been, but the body scans we do every 6 weeks let me know that nearly half of my body is composed of muscle, and that I’m still dropping fat. I can go out and enjoy breakfasts, lunches and dinners with my friends and family without the mental guilt trip I used to give myself.
I am the strongest, fittest and healthiest I’ve ever been with the body that I thought would never be able to compete. My perception of health has forever changed, and I never thought there would be a day where I could honestly say I was proud of the body I’ve worked so hard for. Turns out the strength I found in the gym helped me fight the war in my head.